Today I drove for the first time since the accident. My palms were sweaty and I could barely breathe…
I had this overwhelming sense of panic most of the day.
There is just so much going on.
My mom left for Brazil today, and I took JC’s car to work today. So I was already weirded out by driving my fake brothers car, and It was an hour and a half drive because I drove like a grandma.
I’m just so nervous, and anxious all the time. I don’t even know who this person is….
It’s like the shell of who I use to be is harboring this week little anxious person. This fragile useless creature dwelling in my ribs. I can’t breathe.
I’m getting ready to move and I just can’t.
I can’t grow up, I can’t move out. I just can’t. Please, don’t make me do this. Can’t I just stay here? In my fort, playing pretend. Please don’t make me face reality.
I’m going to have to buy my own toilet paper… What if I forget? I’m going to go to the bathroom and find no toilet paper….
I think I should go back to therapy.